Seriously, i've never felt like such a nobody since high school. Even then I'm pretty sure people knew my name...
Here's the thing and I would like to know if anyone else feels this way. (and don't get offended if you are in my ward...)
Since my ward is the biggest social outlet I have right now until Ruby hits preschool or I get up the gumption to take a class of some sort and get out there and meet people, I feel totally invisible to people. I guess because I was always unpopular in school until college and I know how it is to feel invisible and to be on the outside looking in, I always try to make people feel included and talk to them and just be nice, even if they are nerdy or ugly or whatever. Don't worry, you guys aren't nerdy or ugly...I was and am just trying to prove a point. I also make a point to say people's names. One, because I think it makes people feel good to use their name and I like to people to know that I am talking to them. I've never been good at talking to a group so it makes it more personalized. Anywho, I don't think that there is anyone in my ward that knows my name. They know my daughters names and Matt's names but no one ever says "hey Mary" it's always "hey". We showed up at someones house a few months ago for something that we weren't really invited to but somehow we ended up there and felt totally weird and unwelcome, and when they saw us coming, someone actually said " here come the mormons" (this is from ward members mind you...) not, "look the prices" or "hey matt and mary"
It makes me feel bad that no one uses my name EVER. One thing I am wondering though is if people just don't use names anymore to greet or address each other. Is that a lost art?? I love when people use my name and actually dated some guy for a few months because he said my name so cute and used it all the time. I totally crushed on that dude. Anywho, it is clearly important to me to use my name. Do any of you feel the same way??
7 comments:
Mary,
I know your name!!! And I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I think we all have at one time or another. I'm sure there are people who know who YOU are, not just your husband and your daughters. They clearly just aren't very good at showing it. Hang in there and never stop being so kind to others, no matter how you are treated.
We became such good friends long ago because you were kind to me. Wish I could be there to catch up with you in person now!
TQM!!!
I agree. I think using a person's name makes relations way more personable. You are good to be the type of person to talk to people and use their name, Mary. I'm sure it has meant a lot to lots of people over the years. I taught at the place where I now teach a few years ago. Back then I mainly just used the kids' names and not the parents. I avoided it. Now I have made a point to know the parents' names and use them and I see a difference in those relationships. When someone doesn't use my name, I feel kind of paranoid that they aren't using it because they seriously don't know it. I personally am not afraid to ask for someone's name more than once. It just makes things better for interactions overall.
Don't feel too badly Mary because honestly, I am simply horrible with names. No matter what I try it's in one ear and out the other until I really know someone! I even write names down now but it still doesn't always help! Hopefully your ward members make a bit more effort to know you. It's probably because your kids are so darn cute!!!
I'm in your ward, Mary, and I've known your name for a LONG time! Sorry you had a bad experience.
Love ya. =)
Sorry you are feeling that way Mary. Shame on your ward and whoever said that dumb comment at that get together is a real tool. You are awesome and dont let anyone, especially people at church ruin that for you. Its a shame that as Mormons we are sometimes stuck in bummer wards. And there is really no escape. There could be awesome people who you could be really good friends with that meet in the same building as you and dont even live that far away, but because they are in another ward, you will probably never have a chance to meet them. Instead you are stuck with a bunch of losers who are still living out their high school days and surrounding themselves with cliques at church and you are stuck on the outside. Totally counter intuitive behavior to what the gospel teaches, but that is human nature. Its a dilemma I have thought a lot about and still have no solution. Hopefully it gets better for you, but know that you are loved.
PS- I meant to say too, that you are not alone in your feelings. I think a lot of people feel that way in one way or another and that is a sad thing. Especially given the fact that of all places to feel welcome, church should be that one place that we all do.
Nice thoughts on names. I think I have lost the art of using people's names. Paul is always so much better than me. In this ward I'm known as the twin mom. hehe. I remember when i first moved into our married ward in utah and we were nursery teachers. I had to learn the adults first and last name because for me I wanted to call them by their first name but for the children we had to say sister so and so. The first day we told our nursery kids to call us Paul and Brynley. The mom's laughed at us when their children told them their teachers name. (okay I don't think that made sense). Thanks for making my think! =)
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