Ruby is quite the little dolly. We love her very much but I am starting to see how hard parenting, epecially mothering really is. I guess it is just like nursing and the mission...no one tells you how hard it really is and you just have to find out for yourself. Being an adult and loving sleep my whole life, it is hard for me to put myself in Ruby's position of not wanting to sleep, even when she is tired. It has been a strain already and here I thought newborns love to sleep the first month or so of life. Boy, was I naive...Either she is way brilliant and advanced for her age (3 weeks) or we are doing something wrong. Last night she kept me up from 2:30am to 6ish because of her baby grunts and struggles to get out of her swaddle. We nursed and changed diaper in that time too but most of the night, I layed there listening to her fight against the urge to sleep with her grunts. I was telling Beth about it today and she said I will look back on this and laugh because it is cute. I hope I do. Right now, I just feel tired and cranky and wish I could pass on my love of sleep to my sweet daughter. As of right now, I think she has only inherited my stubborness.
With Mother's Day fast approaching, I keep thinking of my own mom and can't believe she did this 7 times! I totally see my mom in a whole new light. I love her for her sacrifices and love for us, even those times when we didn't see all of the things she was really doing for us. I remember a time when she would always make cupcakes for our classes at school. One time that she dropped them off at my class and she said Hi to me, I totally ignored her on purpose because I was so embarrassed. I know that every kid is emabarrased of their parents but I have thought of this experience numerous times and wonder how she really felt after she had slaved away making a million cupcakes and dropping them off at the school to make my birthday special. Iremeber going home and seeing her crying and one of my brothers said that she was crying because of the way that I treated her. It didn't hit me at the time but I still feel bad about that. I don't even want to think about the millions of times that I made someone feel bad and I didn't even realize it because I was only thinking of myself. Especially my mom.
I love being a mom and yes it is hard but Iknow it is a rewarding and amazing experience, and I know one day I will look back and wish that I had baby Ruby grunting against her swaddle and keeping me up at night like she did last night and probably will again tonight.